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Bitter Sweet Memories [Private/Azul]

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PostSubject: Bitter Sweet Memories [Private/Azul] June 22nd 2015, 13:16

Several days had past since Katyusha wandered into the neutrals. For the last two days Katyusha had simply wandered, with no real idea in mind for where she would end up, so long as it wasn't back in Erenyx territory. For a long time now Katyusha had simply tolerated her misery as dreams brought back horrid memories of a life she wished had stayed forgotten. But since the horrors of the pup fights the overwhelming gloom and emptiness of Erenyx had set in. While it was true only a small number of the pack had been killed, many now kept to themselves, as tempers and emotions ran higher than usual. Of course it was still Erenyx, so some pretended not to care, but all were at least shaken in some way. As Katyusha slowly pushed herself up over the peak of a towering hill it would leave the small fae looking down into the beautiful valley, and the snaking mountain stream that cut it's way through. Taking a moment to examine the open valley for dangers Katyusha would be satisfied with it's safety to slowly move towards the water source in the middle.

As carefully placed steps carried the small fae forward her mind would begin to wander again, paying very little attention to her surroundings. In a place as open as this anything that was a real threat would certainly have a hard time sneaking up on her. And wolves of other packs probably wouldn't kill her without reason. That was more something she had to worry about with her own pack. As the multi-colored fae slipped into her thoughts one question would burden her more than the rest. Now that she knew her daughter was alive and well in Helidos, what should she do? If she tried to talk to her here in the neutrals, or send a message with another Helidos wolf Aleu would know she was alive. But on the other hand it seemed like she was perfectly happy without her mother's intervention; more-so than she ever was with Katyusha around. But was that truly a fair comparison? In Helidos she is safe and cared for with many wolves who love her. In Erenyx she was loathed by the Alpha and outcast by many for their hatred of her parents.

As the small fae finally reached the gently flowing stream she would let out a loud sigh, shaking her head as she dipped to take a drink "Whatever are you going to do Katyusha... If only Steele were here...he'd know what was best." she muttered to herself, taking a moment to ponder if that made her crazy or not before finally allowing herself to lap from the stream. Just as expected the water from the stream was still ice cold, wetting the fae's parched lips as she lapped her fill. It was rather rare to find a stream fed from a mountain, where the melting snow caps kept the water frigid all year, which was quite the treat now that the days got warmer and warmer with the coming summer. Now satisfied with her break Katyusha would lift her head to look around the valley, wondering why such lush grazing grounds with an ample water supply would be empty of prey, unless her presence had chased them off. Or perhaps the presence of another?
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PostSubject: Re: Bitter Sweet Memories [Private/Azul] June 22nd 2015, 14:46


Time was important to many wolves, but not to those that only had time. Azul was one who only had time. He had lived a full life, ran a pack, and even had a family. As an Elder, not much was expected of him. Quinn came to him for guidance when she could slip away from her duties and her young, but it was never a regular occurrence. He knew that life was full of responsibilities and no time to use on them all. The white elder wandered around the lands. He often found himself in the eyes of the younger wolves. They literally looked up at him, both in the intellectual and physical realm. They were young and impressionable. The Elder had done what he could to help their growth in knowledge, but like many youngsters, they did not listen. He laughed to himself as he thought of his own vibrant young. He moved from the lands of Helidos, heading for neutral lands, unmarked by any wolf. It was peaceful and perfect. There seemed to be little disturbance here, and very little within his pack. His golden eyes traced over the outlining rocks and trees. He could hear the beautiful chirping of spring time birds. This time of the year was marvelous and all who enjoyed this time seemed even happier than normal. The old Alpha made his way to Angel’s Wake. It was the best place to find his solitude and to think of all that had happened. Heavy paws found their way into the lush mud and grass close to the creek’s shore. He could see the triumphant fish swimming through their uphill battle. They jumped and splashed about. Azul had eaten fish before. It was not his favorite, some had called it an “acquired taste”. But as he looked up from the leaping water-bon creatures, he saw a fae standing before him. She was minding her own business, as he was doing his. Being downwind from her, he could smell the Erenyx blend covering her pelt. He knew the smell well, though this was tainted by an unknown factor. The Erenyx that Azul once knew had belonged to the mighty Steele. It was a powerful scent, one which could force an unsuspecting wolf to cower. Though Azul never feared Steele or his brood of wicked warriors, he was almost missing the sound of his voice.

Years had passed since the midnight brute had last been in Helidos. Azul thought back to a better time, a time when it were only three wolves in his pack. It had been himself, Steele, and Kenai. All three were different than one another, none being anywhere near the same. Kenai was wise and shy. Steele had momentous plans for his future and he was brave. The two of them hated one another. Azul was the only thing keeping them both in check. But once Azul had slipped from said responsibility, the two clashed like titans. It was in times before that event, that Azul remembered the fallen. He had heard rumors that Steele was dead, rumors that had been confirmed by Fenris himself. The new king of Erenyx was vial and wicked, more so than Steele it seemed. But whatever this wolf was capable of, it did not reflect on the members of his pack. Could it? Azul was not one to judge and so he decided to offer a greeting to the female wolf before him. Quietly, he cleared his throat and spoke to her in a welcoming and soft tone. ”Hello miss, lovely day we are having, isn’t it? I hope I am not bothering you. My name is Azul, and I hail from the lands of Helidos. I know you are of Erenyx, but these are neutrals lands and in these lands, packs no longer matter.” Azul may not have been an Alpha anymore, but he knew there was no need for fighting. He had always wished that one day the two packs would be at peace with one another. But that was far from soon happening.

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PostSubject: Re: Bitter Sweet Memories [Private/Azul] June 24th 2015, 10:58

Slowly Katyusha would let her gaze settle on the distant terrain, basking in the beauty of this land as the gentle breeze rushed past her, carrying the sweet soothing scents of spring with it. With a soft sigh Katyusha would take a deep breath to fully enjoy the scents. Katyusha had always particularly enjoyed spring. Growing up in a land with very harsh winters, where the risk of starving was just as high as the risk of freezing to death in ones own den if alone, the fae had come to appreciate the new life spring offered, and of course the return of plentiful hunting. As the small fae basked in the warm sunlight and gentle breeze of the valley another thought would send a twinge of pain through her heart. Aleu was a year old now, and Katyusha wondered how different she was from what she remembered, or even if her memories of her own daughter were correct. Which brought another thought to her, it had been over a year since Steele had been killed, and yet it was the one thing she remembered as though it had happened yesterday. It had been a long time since she felt the cold lonely hand of his death gripping her heart, yet each and every day it pained her still.

As the fae let her thoughts roam the sudden addition of a voice to the silence of the valley would bring her back to reality. Slowly Katyusha would turn to spot the brute, holding no look of fear or worry at the new brute. He wasn't Erenyx, and if he had wanted to attack her he easily could have already, so why should she be worried? As his words broke the silence of the valley the little fae would offer him a smile in return "Hello Sir. And you are no bother at all, a pleasant break from the emptiness to be honest." she said before turning back to the view she was looking at before "It is a pleasure to meet you Azul. My name is Katyusha, and yes I am from Erenyx, but I have no intention of hurting you." she smiled, turning back to face the Elder male "I think I remember you, but I'm afraid I lost my memory some time ago... Do I know you from somewhere?" she asked honestly, knowing she had seen him before, but from where was beyond her.


[WIP, a little writers block at the moment]
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PostSubject: Re: Bitter Sweet Memories [Private/Azul] June 24th 2015, 15:27

”Ah, emptiness. I see. I too have found myself in such situations. Sometimes it feels like no matter what you do, the world is going to go on spinning and changing around you. It will leave you in the dust, stranded and alone. Though, that is why we are a pack animal. Your pack is to have your back no matter what happens or is happening. This world is a scary and dangerous place, especially when one begins to feel ‘empty’. I know you barely know me, but may I ask why you feel this way? I have lived a very long eight years this spring, and I have helped many young wolves like yourself.” He walked over to the stream and lowered his mighty head. His wet nose danced across the top of the water, feeling the chill roll over his nostrils. He allowed his tongue to fall from his maw and lap up the cool waters. He did not drink too much, just enough to get his fill. When she posed a question to him, Azul lifted his head and looked to her with his golden gaze. ”Many wolves know me without actually knowing me. My name Azul, has before been associated with the rank of Alpha, but for a year now, I have been an Elder. I was the white wolf which started Helidos. I am the reason for the two pack, I was also once a friend to Steele, oh so long ago. I hear you have a new leader, however. How is Steele fairing with such change?” Azul had so many questions to ask. Even though Steele himself had tried to kill Kenai, Azul never blamed him for it. No two wolves are always going to get along, especially if they did have two complete different ideologies. Azul looked to her and recalled she had not shared her name with him. ”And what is your name, miss?”

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PostSubject: Re: Bitter Sweet Memories [Private/Azul] June 28th 2015, 04:54

Carefully the younger fae would listen closely to him, nodding slowly as he spoke, before a slight smile would come to her lips. It wasn't a smile of happiness, or joy, just a look of relief. Someone finally cared about her, or her feelings. It was an odd feeling to the fae who was used to being alone, shunned and treated with indifference at best. It was true pack was important to her, and in the current pack she didn't feel like she had a pack at all, but a prison. When the fae lost her memories the only wolf who had bothered to help her recall her past was Teren, who had tried to fill her head with lies and falsehoods in an attempt to build her into a willing slave for his desires, which she could now see revolved much more around the seasons and her gender than any actual fondness of her. But before she could think of an answer for him the brute would speak again, the little creature's eyes going wide as he explained who he was, before a sudden darkness would fall over her features at the next question, her eyes turning to the ground as that all too familiar sting pierced her chest, radiating pain through the rest of her body as a result. "Well Sir, I was once long ago a member of Helidos...although I doubt many of the members during my tenure would remember me, if they are even still alive." she admit, turning her gaze back out to the valleys.

"I've always sort of felt alone...like there is no place out there for me. Only one wolf really made me feel like I could have a place called home, a family, and a life. I left your pack when I met Steele." she explained, giving the former Alpha more of a story than she believed he wanted to hear, but it was all part of the answer to his questions. "I trained with Steele, I became a wolf of value, of strength. I was given the rank of Delta, then when I completed my training Elite. I was going to be Steele's mate then." she said, seeming to sink back a little as the story got harder for her "He was the only wolf that had ever really showed any interest in me. I'm small, different...I've never been looked at by any wolf since in the way he saw me. That was my first season, and when we were certain I was carrying his young we were going to officially become mates, and I would be an Alphess." she smiled softly, remembering the pride she felt as she believed a bright future awaited her. "Then he showed up....Teren, the new..leader of Erenyx." she muttered those words in almost disgust. "He killed Steele...the fight was somewhere else...I wasn't there...But he drug Steele back to the pack clearing and summoned the pack...Steele wasn't going to survive...I knew that." she started to mutter as she seemed more distant, the distant look in her eyes showing she wasn't telling this story, simply reliving it as she did each time she tried to close her eyes "I laid next to him...tried to comfort him... He knew I was pregnant, though I hadn't told him yet." she said, cutting out the reason why she hadn't told him, as it would paint Steele in a darker light than she cared to remember him "Until Teren ripped his throat out...I felt the last breath leave his body...the spray of his blood.." she took a gulp "I carried him off to bury him alone...and since then I've been alone..." she said softly.

"I had my daughter alone..." she said, her gaze turning dark again "You have no idea how lonely a feeling it is to give birth in an empty den, with no one to help you, no one to feed you or get you a drink or even comfort you." she said, a slight smile coming to her lips "But it was worth it for my daughter...For Aleu. " she said, almost seeming to melt at the words. Katyusha was just as any mother, she loved her daughter, and wished she had been a better mother for her, even if she hadn't even known the young fae was alive and happy until yesterday. "Until I met with another of your pack...the Beta Juno yesterday, I didn't even remember if Aleu was alive. It makes me much happier to know she is alive and happy, and that she finally has a family and friends that will raise her the right way. The way I never had the chance to." she admit, looking back up at the male "I am sorry...I doubt you wished to hear all of that, as every wolf has their woes. But that is why I feel empty. Every day I get older, and every day I remember that I once had the chance to have a real life...a happy life. And now, now I must simply come to accept that isn't going to happen. As a pup you are raised to believe if you work hard, and train hard you will find a mate, you will be happy and raise a family. But sometimes it just doesn't work that way...Sometimes all it takes is one wolf to ruin everything you've spent your whole life working for, and now instead of a happy Alphess madly in love with her mate and happily raising our daughter together, I am a worthless warrior, barely even looked at by my pack, let alone spoken to, spending my days out here wondering if I should just wait to die out here alone, or if I should return to suffer each day in Erenyx as the failure to Steele I am." she said, his last question bringing a slightly dark smile to her lips "I am Katyusha sir, it's a pleasure to meet you." she said, honestly amazed that with her history her name hadn't traveled more.


[sorry for the other lackluster posts, just had to get back in the swing of playing Kat]
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PostSubject: Re: Bitter Sweet Memories [Private/Azul] June 29th 2015, 16:55


”I am sorry.” There were many things he was sorry of. The first being that she had lived within the confines of Helidos, while he was King, and he never knew her. He never met her, or even knew her name. Azul knew that while he was happy with Lucy, he forgot everything that was not his family for a while there. Being an Alpha was a hard task, very daunting, and demanding. He was also sorry that she had felt she needed to leave Helidos to find a home in Erenyx. Helidos was a place that was welcoming for all wolves, even a haven for second chances. Erenyx was not. Erenyx was a horrible place, filled with murders, liars, cynical wolves who wished to rip and tear from others. They destroyed the lives of their own wolves. It was a horrific pack, and yet others wanted to live there. He was also sorry that she had found love and lost it. Azul had also had the same thing happen to him, though not in the same way. The other forest decided it had been Lucy’s time to go, all too soon for his own liking. She would now dance among the other side, seeing all the departed members of their family. He also felt sorry for asking about her old King. The old wolf’s mind was slipping, especially when it came to traumatic events. There were few things he would never forget, like when loved ones were killed or died. He missed his family and he now knows what it is like to have nothing. He removed himself from the position of Alpha. ”I am not going to be so bold as to say I know what you are going through, but I know what it’s like to feel you have lost everything. A few years ago, I was the Alpha of Helidos, though it wasn’t called that then. I had a mate, named Lucy. She was the most beautiful wolf I had ever seen with these dark half circles that made her eyes light up like fireflies in the summer nights. She was kind and caring, made me feel like I myself was more important than I actually was. She gave meaning to my life. The next winter, we mated and that coming spring we were blessed with three darling pups. I had two boys and one girl. Their names were Lucas, Deimos, and Athena. Deimos was the first to die. He went out exploring one day and never returned to the pack. It hurt all of us, but Lucy took it the hardest. She fought bits of depression, never knowing if it was time for her to give up. The depression created a sickness in her, leaving her very ill. She would not eat, she would hardly sleep. Her physical form was changing and there was nothing I could do about it. When she passed, it seemed my remaining son, Lucas, took it the hardest. I eventually decided to step down from Alpha, giving my position to Quinn. Lucas ended up almost being killed by a bear, saved by an old Elite male of mine, Kenai. When I acted, in his words, that I only cared about Kenai, he left Helidos. I never saw him again. Months later, Athena went out to the neutral lands. When she came back, she was severely wounded and spoke of some demon which killed Lucas.” Unable to admit the fact this his own previous Guardian did what she did, he paused. His tone was low and deep as he looked to her. ”The injuries she had sustained soon forced me to lose her as well.” He looked away from her for a moment. His eyes looked to the water, watching it ricochet off the rocks and life around it.

”Katyusha..” he said as he looked to her. ”I don’t know how long you knew Steele or if anyone was able to tell you the good things about him… But I would like to share with you, the Steele that I knew and loved. Back when I originally found this land, I was alone. I stumbled upon two wolves and Steele was one of them. He and Kenai were my first friends here. Right from the start I could tell there was a promise in him. He was driven, smart, witty, but above all he was courageous. He was filled with big ideas and dreams. I knew one day he would make something of himself. He served as my right paw for many years, my Beta. He knew many things about both hunting and fighting, I must say I was very impressed. But Steele was stubborn and when he set his mind to something, he kept at it. One of my pack members later told me that he persuaded them to think he was the Alpha of these lands. It was believable, because he always held himself that way, but he was respectful towards me. Unfortunately, after he left Helidos, I only saw him maybe once or twice. I don’t know if he changed while he was over there, or what, but I do know that he was an amazing wolf. You are lucky to have been so close to him. It was never easy getting close to Steele. He was always so guarded and protective of himself. He had a very strict training regime I saw him use on a couple wolves within my lands. He took an apprentice by the name or Nyx as his very first. She was a little spitfire, tough and took to his training like moss. In the very least, in his worst time, I am glad to know that you were there with him. I am sure he loved you very much and was glad he did not die alone. Sometimes it is very hard losing the one wolf you have loved with every inch of your heart and soul. It feels like some days will never get better. That the end is neigh. Maybe it would be easier to quit? But that is not the truth. Never give up Katyusha. You are young, and you have so much of your life ahead of you. As for your daughter, Aleu. I have heard her name in my pack. Beta Juno is a wonderful mother, and Beta Marrok will keep an eye on her like a hawk. They raised young of their own and I trust them with my own young if I were to ever have any again. Delta Rose has assumed the position of her mentor and often we have seen the two of them out and about, learning and growing together. Aleu also has a bright future and I only hope the best for her. I am sure she misses you. It’s hard to be away from your parents so young. Maybe one day, the two of you will be reunited again? But I must ask you… What will you do now?” Azul posed the question to her, hoping she was not offended by anything he said. He was only trying to stick to the positive side of things. She was far too young to give up now.

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PostSubject: Re: Bitter Sweet Memories [Private/Azul] July 1st 2015, 14:44

In silence now the young fae would sit, perking her ears at his words before looking back up to him, not entirely sure what it was he was sorry for, but assuming it was a simple gesture of sympathy. "Thank you sir." she spoke softly, returning to her silence as that day played over and over in her mind. Katyusha would now seem distant and pained, looking into the distance of the valley as her mind forced her to once again relive every second of the worst day of her life. How simple things had seemed just hours before, how happy she had been when she woke up in the Alpha's den with the scent of her mate still strong on her, knowing she carried his young and would soon have the family she had always dreamed of as Alphess of Erenyx, and how quickly that dream crumbled at her feet. As the brute began to speak again Katyusha would listen closely. She listened carefully to his tale of triumph and loss, nodding slowly as he finished. "I would feel it more than fair to say you understand what I am going through sir, and I am very sorry to hear of your lose...But if I may, I must ask. How do you keep going? I spent so much time and energy working for what I had...I suffered tortures each and every day under Steele's training to grown stronger and worthy of his affections. And finally, after months I had achieved my goals, only to have everything ripped away. How do you find the strength to start again from nothing after that?" she asked, turning her gaze back to the beautiful landscape before them.

As the conversation shifted to Steele Katyusha's eyes would seem to light up, her passion for the wolf she lost just as alive today as it was the first night they spent together in that distant mountain cave. It felt like a lifetime had passed since then, even though it had happened less than two years ago. Listening closely to his words again Katyusha would hang on every word, wanting to learn everything she could about her former mate's life. Almost all of this was new knowledge to her, as Steele spoke very little of these times. As the Elder finished, Katyusha would stop to think over everything he told her, choosing her next words before carefully speaking again, a soft smile coming to her muzzle as she was finally able to recall the good times with her former mate "I thank you greatly for sharing that with me...As most of it I had never heard before. I wish I could have known Steele then, though I fear he would have taken no interest in me as I was just a pup in those days. I saw first paw just how harsh Steele's training was, as I made him a wager to gain a spot as his apprentice. If I were to win, he would train me to be the best I possibly could be. And if I lost I was to be demoted to omega for the rest of my life, offering myself to Steele each winter as a prize. As you can imagine I lost. However Steele wasn't as cold as he seemed, and he allowed me to be his Apprentice anyways, rewarding my courage and drive with the rank of Delta instead of omega. He rarely spoke of his past before I arrived in Erenyx, and I do not know what changed him from the wolf you described to me, but I will share with you what I know of your friend. He took a mate before me named Esmerelda. Together they had a litter and ruled Erenyx as the Alpha pair. But for reasons I will never know Esmerelda decided to leave Erenyx and Steele, taking all of their pups but Samael with her. It devastated him...and I think it made him colder than you would have remembered. That is when I was captured by an Erenyx wolf and brought before Steele. The first moment I saw him I knew he was the wolf I wanted. He had a power to him, a strength I had never seen before. Each word carried a power to it that knew his commands would be followed. I am embarrassed to say I swooned like a fae in her first season, which is exactly what I was. He punished the wolf who captured me for sparing my life, but in turn spared my life if I agreed to serve his pack, which I was all too happy to do if it meant I had even the smallest of a chance to be with him, I never imagined I would actually succeed." she giggled, actually smiling for a moment "After that I trained under the former Guardian Chiara, until I felt confident enough to train with Steele. At the time he was courting his Beta, Nyx. Steele trained me for months before he ever showed the slightest interest in me, and while he would never admit it, I could start to notice his gaze softening in my presence, his eyes finding me in the crowd at every pack meeting, and often he would find an excuse to need me with him. Then, finally in late fall I felt something I still can't describe pulling me out of my den in the middle of the night, calling me to the high mountains of Erenyx. I followed this calling, and it lead me to Steele, who had found his way to that mountain side as well. It was there that we finally sat and talked, not as Alpha and Delta, but as equals, and it was there we finally admit our feelings to each other. That night he asked me to be his mate, and I happily accepted. We spent our first night together as mates in a small cave on that mountain, and I dare say it is probably my fondest memory." she said, finishing her recollections.

"As for being by his side...I am glad I could comfort him...I am glad the last words he heard was I love you Steele, and I am glad his last words were telling me he loved me as well. But I can't tell you how much I would give to forget that day. To push it out of my mind never to remember it again." she said. With the mention of her pup's well-being a proud smile would come back to her muzzle, "I cannot tell you how much joy it brings me to know she is well and happy. I owe all of you a great debt for giving her the happiness in life I could never offer. But as for ever reuniting with her, perhaps someday. I spoke with Beta Juno several days ago, and since then it has weighed heavy on my mind. I would love nothing more than to see my daughter again, to meet the wolf she has become, but I feel it would be selfish. She has made a home for herself in Helidos, and she is happy there. And that happiness, and her home, do not include me. I am afraid if I simply returned to her life after abandoning her so long ago I may complicate things for her. So for now I must simply get my news from other wolves, and stay out of her life, as much as it pains me to do so." the honey coated fae answered honestly "And as for me...I honestly don't know. After the murder of all of the pups in Erenyx I cannot force myself to return... I cannot return to Helidos because of my daughter...Maybe I will wander the neutrals as a rogue, living my life alone. Although I imagine if I stay away from Erenyx for too long it will only be a matter of time before Teren hunts me down for sport." she admit, honestly not sure what choice she had anymore.
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PostSubject: Re: Bitter Sweet Memories [Private/Azul] July 2nd 2015, 22:33

"I am not going to lie to you, or coat it in butterflies... It was the hardest thing I ever went through. All of it. Many times I thought..." Azul could not continue with his words. He would have to reveal the truths about Fel, about what she did. The white wolf stared to her, trying to decide if it was necessary or not, but she would never truly understand him unless he told her. "A wolf, named Fel... She was my Guardian at one time. She killed my little girl, right before my eyes. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to rip her throat out and cause as much pain as she caused my daughter. I went a little... Well, I lost it. For a while I secluded myself from the pack. I turned on a good friend, and even worse, I thought about killing another wolf. I have never thought about that before, not for revenge. I drove myself even more crazy in my solitude. But something you just have to give in to it. It took a long time for me to be alright. I am happy with what life has for me now. I have always heard it is better to have loved and lost, than to never ave loved at all. I believe this to be true." Azul listened to her telling the stories of Steele he never knew. Some he did know, for one, that he and Esmeralda were an item. He knew them both well and he saw the way that she had looked to him, and the way he had looked at her.

But when she spoke of Steele losing his life, he couldn't just sit there and listen to her. He got up from his seat and walked over to her. He moved close to her and wrapped his head around her neck. He gave a short nuzzle, but held it there. It had been a long time since he was needed to console another being, but he accepted the position. When he figured he had been there long enough, he stepped back, giving her muzzle a lick as he moved away. "Though it ended in sorrow, you must be happy for the part of your life you did get to spend with him. I honestly believe you gave him the best year of his life. There was nothing he loved more than training. And if he found love from training you, then you must know that you completed his life. As for Aleu, I can understand where you are coming from. If I would have followed Lucas, he would have been irate with me. If I may make a suggestion, I don't think you would do well as a Rogue. You need a pack to help you through this rough time and the transition through new life. But know this, Katyusha... You will always have a friend in me. And as for Aleu, I will be watching her from afar for you. If you want updates, I would be glad to meet with you and let you know what she has going on with her life. In time, everything will get better. I promise you."

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PostSubject: Re: Bitter Sweet Memories [Private/Azul] July 19th 2015, 18:52

Closely the young fae would listen to his every word, her ears pinning back against her head as he spoke. It was true these past months were much harder than anything she had ever experienced in her life. How could she possibly move on as if nothing happened after the most important thing in her life was ripped from her in such a horrific way? As the Elder went on Katyusha would listen closely still, feeling her heart ache for his suffering, even if it was a pain she was all too familiar with herself. "I understand... I watched wolves I had always believed I could trust cheer for the death of their alpha...I watched his Guardians and Healers tell Teren to kill him...and I knew they all would have been even more eager for my death." she said, hanging her head for a moment "I think that was the worst part...After losing Steele it seemed like everything I had worked for was gone. I had no mate, no love, and no one. The whole pack turned on me and I was alone. All I could do is try to keep Aleu alive and count the days until it was my turn to have my heart literally ripped from my chest in front of the pack...Knowing the last thing I would hear was the cheers for my suffering. Except unlike Steele, I wouldn't have anyone there to comfort my last moments." she said, her gaze focused on the gently flowing stream before them, the image of her death, cheered on by those she had once considered her comrades playing in her mind. It was an image she had seen many many times in the past, always knowing it was just a matter of time before it came true.

As the small fae sat in silence she would suddenly feel the warm fur of Azul press against her. With wide eyes Katyusha would feel his gentle embrace, and soft nuzzle against her. Quickly she would feel her heart pounding in her chest, as her own head simply moved to rest against his shoulder gently. The honey colored fae honestly couldn't remember what affection felt like, or what the gentle embrace of another felt like. After a long moment of silence in their pleasant position Katyusha felt her chest ache for a moment as he finally pulled back, offering a gentle lick to her muzzle as he did, before his words met her ears again. Slowly the small fae would nod to his words, listening carefully before speaking again "I am grateful I ever got to know someone as great as Steele...I am grateful I was ever able to win his heart...It felt like an impossible dream had come true...That someone as great as him could ever love someone like...me." she said, not really having the highest opinion of herself after all that had happened, and all of the efforts to kick her down by so many wolves "And I am glad for his sake I was there for him in the end, and that he could die happy. Even if it does mean that the end of my life is going to be lonely and miserable. At least I can die knowing I made his happy... And I gave life to a strong wolf like Aleu, just like her father in so many ways." she said, a soft smile coming to her muzzle as she thought of her daughter, the one thing that could bring joy to her life. "And no, I won't do well as a rogue...but I suppose that wasn't really a part of the plan of being a rogue." she admit, pausing for a moment as if to debate if she should tell him the rest of that plan "I guess I'm simply finding it hard to go on...Aleu is better off without me. Erenyx doesn't want me, there are no other packs I can call home, and there are no other wolves I can call friend... Maybe I'm not meant to go any further...and maybe it would be better if I...died." she admit, surprisingly not feeling the shame she would have expected from such a statement. Katyusha knew she was young, and she knew she could live a long time yet. But did she really want to? She was miserable, and now that she had abandoned Erenyx she was expecting to be hunted, mostly because Teren finally had a reason to kill her. She had always known she would die to his fangs, so maybe it was time she just accept that. At least when he was done she could see Steele again.
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PostSubject: Re: Bitter Sweet Memories [Private/Azul]

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Bitter Sweet Memories [Private/Azul]

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